Broken
by Biancalove97
Summary: He always said if I were to go, he would follow soon after. I just frowned and made him promise to never do that. He made me promise the same. I did. But he also promised me forever. Since he broke his promise, can't I break mine?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: He always said if I were to go, he would follow soon after. I just frowned and made him promise to never do that. He made me promise the same. I did. But he also promised me forever. Since he broke his promise, can't I break mine? **

**My computer has been in the shop for the past…few weeks. I forget. Anyway, I got it back now and I can write again… (Cheer) Yeah. Chapters for the others should be out soon. This one just kind of spilled out and so I'm gonna go with it. Should be completed by the end of the day. Enjoy! **

_**Contains suicide and angst, which is a new thing I'm trying. The angst, not the suicide. Yeah. **_

**DISCLAIMER: Not Stephanie, not even close. Just a girl with a dog that may be trying to imitate zombie noises…**

* * *

It's been a week since the decided I'm stable enough to be left alone. The house is cold. I'm cold. Everything seems less warm now. I used to love Florida. We lived in Forks, born and raised. Then we grew up and had dreams of places less…sad. So, what better place than Florida? It's called the Sunshine state for a reason, yeah?

The pain never goes away, I know. I haven't felt warm in a while, even though it's the middle of summer. It's usually rainy by this time of year. We get a lot of rain in the summer, strangely. That shocked us a few years ago. To figure out that it did rain occasionally and that the sun didn't shine twenty-four-seven.

Sarcasm, did you sense it?

I deadpan more often these days. Nothing I say sounds a bit funny. I know. They all look at me with pity and worry, but they don't understand, because when they go home, they have their other half with them.

I don't.

Rose and Emmett live in Florida with us…me. They went to Alabama for college and then moved down to Florida to fulfill Rose's dream of living on the beach. And Emmett would do anything for Rose. They're a few years older than the rest of us. They're trying for kids. Have been for a few years now. Rose is in denial and won't go to the doctors. Em went. He's fertile. I don't like Rosalie a lot. She's close-minded and though sometimes she can be good company, most of the time, she's not. Sometimes I think she only likes Emmett is because he's such a child and all she wants is a child. Emmett kisses the ground she walks on and she kicks the dirt around for the heck of it.

Rose has been over a few times. After she sneered at me and said, "Just get over it already," she wasn't allowed back. Emmett just gave me a small shrug and followed her out. I haven't seen him in a while.

Mom tries, but she doesn't understand either. She has Phil and dad. Yes, both. I know about their affair. Turns out paradise was fun for about a month until Phil had long practices. Mom turned to someone and the one still there to catch her was dad. And he takes being the other man because he loves her. But her. She just needs someone to hold her, make her feel important. It's pathetic, really.

Alice and Jasper flew in from Austin for a few days. Alice couldn't last five minutes without convulsing on the ground in tears. Crocodile tears, of course, because I knew as soon as Jasper dragged her away, her eyes were dry. She's studying in theatrical arts. Dram star all through high school, competitive, manipulative, and extremely controlling, he would make it big someday, I was sure. Jasper followed her. He didn't know where he wanted his life to go, so he went with a history major, then switched to go for a teaching license, but then wanted to pursue music instead.

I never went to school, because I never knew what I wanted to do and I wouldn't go until I knew, so I worked. I went from job to job, trying to make a living here with him, while he went to school. After various fast food failures, I landed a job as a secretary for a carpentry company. All I had to do was answer phones and take messages. My boss was a nice guy who knew I had no type of experience in anything technical and told me to come to him for any problems. Sometimes he would come and sit with me on an off day when he didn't have numbers to work out or houses to build. He would talk about his family and how they were all growing and in return, I'd tell him about my family. He'd laugh and say, "I'm Mexican, I know all about crazy, huge, in-your-face families."

He easily negated my mom's comment that I was a naïve little girl when I told her I was going to Florida and forgoing college for a while.

We were doing good, so good. Things were settling at home, the family drama was easily ignored.

Then one day, out of the blue he tells me he's going to die.

_Thinking he's joking, I roll my eyes and turn to face him on the couch. "Everyone has to die," _

At the time, it easily rolled off my tongue, but now my stomach clenches.

_He smiles and pecks my nose, wrapping his arms tighter around me. "Not you, you will never die." I snort. "And if you do die...well," He pauses, probably for dramatic effect. He's just like his sister. "...I'll be right after you." He says quietly, kissing my cheek. I didn't like this conversation. _

_I frown at him. "Don't talk like that." I give him a stern look and he mimics me, before going cross-eyed. I laugh a little easing up. "Promise me," I say, holding his face between my hands. "You have to promise me that if I were to die, you can't follow me like that. I love you, but I love you happy and healthy, you understand?" I poke his nose with mine. "Grow old, get a dog, have...a wife and children," It hurt, but I had to say it. He looked at me with sad eyes and I wanted this conversation to end, so we could be happy again. "Promise," I look right into his eyes. He hesitates. "How would you feel if I went after you?" I ask and his eyes widen slightly before he shakes his head. _

_"I promise, if you do too. If I go, you can't follow, you have to grow old and have a dog, but if some man touches you, I'll haunt him forever." He says seriously and I burst into laughter. "I'm serious. He'll be in the shower and I'll flush the toilet or something. Oh, he'll be sleeping and I'll put his hand in warm water. I wonder if I'd be able to draw on his face..." I laugh at his _terrifying_ haunting ideas. _

_"Hey," I say, breaking him from his head. "Remember, only you,"_

_"Forever," He finishes in a promise. _

He broke his promise. I don't have him forever. Not anymore


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Approximately 5 chapters. Yeah.**

**DISCLAIMER: I may not be Stephanie Meyer, but my dog can see dead people. At least I think that's why she barks at the wall... **

* * *

The funeral is today. I'm in a plain black dress. Black converse, which pissed off Alice. I also refused the black veil which made her go on a rampage and I had to lock myself in the bathroom for over half an hour before she gave up. I cried.

I didn't put on any make-up-another thing Alice seemed to freak out over-but I knew I was going to let loose the water works, so why bother looking nice? Exactly.

Jasper gave me a glare when I exited the bathroom and asked why I couldn't just relent. I didn't answer him, just walked away.

It seemed to shock him. Or piss him off further. I don't know.

Esme burst into our-my-house.

I keep slipping.

Only I live here now.

Esme and Alice greet the other, but then Esme starts to cry, which triggers Alice and I make a bee-line for the bathroom again.

They figured out how to pick my bedroom lock.

When paying for the funeral, I also paid for my future burial. The whole thing is set and all I have to do is die now.

That shouldn't be a problem.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**So... This story is reminding me why I don't do angst. I get so into the characters I feel what I'm writing. And currently, I feel depressed. Not fun. **

_**Contains suicide and angst, which is a new thing I'm trying. The angst, not the suicide. **_

**DISCLAIMER: Not SM, but I do like the characters she created. My dog also enjoyed the book, this fact proven when I found her cuddled with it, bite marks galore. I bought a new one.**

* * *

We finally leave. The funeral home isn't far from the house and we all take the same car, something Alice suggests. I said we should take separate cars in case anyone wanted to go straight home, but no one paid any attention to me. Of course not.

So, we pile into Jasper's new truck and head out. Jasper drives, Esme sits shotgun because Elders or something along those lines, forcing Alice in the back with me. I'm silent on the drive, giving Jasper minimal directions and soon enough, we're parking. Esme and Alice kept up a steady conversation and Jasper hummed to the song on the radio. I sat there, staring blankly out the window as memories unwillingly flashed through my mind. I somehow always landed on the "I'm going to die" memory.

_Coincidentally._

Sure.

Carlisle meets us outside the building and Esme hangs onto him for dear life. Alice clutches Jasper's hand and takes a dramatic deep breath. The couples walk to the awning where Rose and Emmett wait. I linger by the truck for a second longer than usual, but then straighten my shoulders and close my eyes letting the cold envelope me. I shiver as the tingles run through my body. Pain recedes. All feeling eliminates itself, leaving me numb.

Finally ready, I make my way towards the doors. Everyone is gathered around in the cramped area, the room where the viewing will be has been locked until I've arrived. I had to walk to the casket and place flowers and light the candle before anyone could come in and gather around. There was a large TV on one of the walls playing a slide show of memories. I had to look away from our smiling faces and walk in the direction of the office in the back. Where I was told to go.

I knock on the doors and take a deep breath as it opens to reveals a short, perspiring man. He gives me a slight smile and offers his condolences. I nod and return a tight smile. He leads me back the way I came and I ignore the eyes I feel as he leads me to the viewing doors. He takes a key and a hanky out, wiping his face, then opening the door. We walk inside and he closes it behind him. A knock sounds out and he opens again to reveal Esme. She gives me a small smile and I shake my head. Her smile disappears, but she nods and backs away. The man closes the door.

He leads me down the small aisle and I avoid looking straight ahead, but I still see in my peripheral the casket and the pale figure. I close my eyes when I make it to the front, but my hand reaches out on its own accord and touches the cold wood.

Everything is cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_**Contains suicide and angst, which is a new thing I'm trying. The angst, not the suicide.**_

**DISCLAIMER: Sigh. I won't own him, but SM, send me Edward, please. I would like to know why my dog is barking at a pick fluffy glove. **

* * *

I light the candle and I place the rose in his folded hands. He's wearing a black vest and a white dress shirt. I want to unbutton the first tops buttons of the shirt and the cuffs on his hands. He hated those. I wanted to lose the tie all together, but I gave Esme and Alice clothing options. I slipped the guy a pair of his chucks and the dog tags he wears under his shirt.

I see the outline of the tags and let a small smile grace my face, but otherwise remain quiet in my assessment of him. His face is pale and smushed, like he's been poked and prodded. My mind cuts those thoughts before they can continue and I'm glad. His lips are forced into a smile and I hate it. His eyebrows look bushy and his green eyes are shut forever. All I have now is a memory.

Tearing my eyes away, I look to the pudgy man, who seems to be observing me. We don't talk, but look at one another. Finally I walk away, towards the door. I open the one closer to the casket and leave it wide open before walking down the aisle towards the main door, opening that one as well, but leaving the room completely. People pass me by as they enter, offering condolences and forced smiles. I nod back, but it's mostly a blur. I can hear Esme and Alice's cries form the doorway, but don't turn to look. Dad hugs me softly and I reciprocate, but his attempt at comfort has no effect. After the last person evacuates the small waiting room and enters the viewing, I walk quickly to the bathroom.

Locking the door without a second glance, I barely make it to the toilet, where I choke out the breakfast I didn't eat this morning.

After washing my mouth, I have a moment where I look in the mirror and think what the hell I'm still doing here.

Charlie had mom now. For however long that will last.

Mom's set.

Esme and Carlisle will move on with their lives with their other children.

Rose and Em will eventually get a kid one way or another.

Alice and Jasper have a bright future.

My job is easily replaceable.

Nothing holds me here.

The numbness is decreasing; I'm starting to feel and the pain hits full force, no hesitation. I grip the edge of the counter in an attempt to stay upright. I hear people moving around outside. After initially seeing the body and paying their respects, they were probably retiring until the burial. I wouldn't want to sit in a room for long with...that either. Hysterical women, corpse, and just plain sadness.

No, I'd wait outside, too, if I had a choice, but I don't, so I adjust my dress, wipe my mouth and leave the bathroom.

I hesitate at the doorway, figuring where to sit. Definitely not in the front, but I didn't want to be in the middle of that mess either, so I chose a seat next to a stained glass window in the back. In the corner, I could watch.

Many people were trying to give off fake hurt, I could tell. They were just there to show their respects. They didn't really care.

Whatever, right?

Yeah.

Esme and Alice were desperately hanging onto their significant others. I wanted to go over and comfort them, but I was never good with crying messes. They usually triggered my own tears and I didn't want to deal with that.

I was a cry when I'm alone type.

Whatever.

The pudgy man sits next to me and asks if I want him to start playing the music while the speeches were being said or after. I decided during and he nodded before walking away. Broken by Seether started the play list and the reaction was instant. People glanced around, immediate family looked for me to either give me hell or...give me hell.

Whatever.

The pudgy dude announces the beginning of speeches. A college friend starts, detailing how much he knew him, and how they were such good friends, how dependable he was. I've met this guy once.

Jasper and Alice are next. She starts, but can't get a word out before she starts blubbering. Finally she hands the paper to Jasper, who pulls it out of her shaky hands and holds her close as he reads. They say things about how he was a great brother, gave a few examples and shared some memories. They mentioned our relationship, how we were best friends and it was so obvious we would be together. About how we were going to make a life together before he left me. When you could barely hear Jasper above Alice's wails, he trailed off and leads her to sit.

Esme and Carlisle go up, say a few words, similar to Alice's, and then sit down. Rose and Em follow. A few of his friends get up and stumble through something, and then it's my turn.

By now, the music has changed over and over and I know the play list I made is almost complete. My immortal by Evanescence plays softly as I walk towards the front. When I make it to the front, I turn and face the expecting faces. I listen to the opening notes before I talk.

"He...made me a promise." I start. "It's funny." It's not funny. "He left to the store to get _me_," I pause and take a deep breath. "He went to get me chocolate, of all things." I snort and wring my hands together. "Chocolate, because_ I_ was having a bad day...I remember him coming home from class so excited to explain a new project to me. So excited to tell me of what he would be doing the next week..." I give a breathy laugh. "And then he saw me on the couch, in a Snuggie, watching Adventure Time reruns and he grabs his keys, kisses me on the cheek and promises chocolate in the near future, before leaving me on the couch, confused and, hopeful for the turn of the day." I rub the tips of my fingers, dying to crack them, but holding off. "If you know me, you know I only wear Snuggies and watch Adventure Time reruns when I'm upset." I add as an afterthought. "He texts me on his way home, telling me about his day and sends me a picture of his shopping bag loaded with chocolate. I was so happy." Another breathy laugh.

The song has made it to the second chorus and I sing softly in my head as I try to avoid going back to that night.

"Then ten minutes pass and no word." I whisper. "Then twenty, and now I'm panicking a little, but think he might have made a detour and lost track of time." My eyes close. "Then an hour is gone and no one in my contacts can get a hold of him." My body feels tingly again, like the temperature just dropped. "Turns out it's because he's sitting in a ditch on the side of the road, victim of a hit-and-run." I've lost control of my body, so when the warm tears slide slowly down my cheek, I'm not surprised. "And because_ someone_ thought driving away instead of helping the injured person in the other vehicle_ not five feet_ away was such a bad idea," My voice had risen and my fists were clenched. "I've lost the love of my life." I end, then reach over and touch the wood of the casket again, my hand inching closer to the body in it. My hand hovers for a fraction of a second before resting softly on the cheek. I wish he would open his eyes. I wish he would wake up. "He suffered for half an hour before letting go. You always were so stubborn," I give him a watery smile, ignorant to the tearful audience in the background.

My hand cups his cheek and I notice how cold he is. How cold I am. We match.

This thought causes a slight hiccupy laugh from me, but it quickly dissolves. I wipe at my eyes, before finally letting him go and turning around.

"He made me a promise and I intend on making sure he keeps it." I nod and take my seat in the back. The music plays on a few more tracks before turning off completely. The pudgy man announces that it's time to view him one last time. People make their way up, dropping things like letters or flowers into the casket. I stay back and wait until everyone has left the room. Walking towards him for the last time feels strange and I think of how to say goodbye, but nothing comes to mind, so I grab his hand in mine and squeeze.

_See you soon._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Last chapter. All those warnings were chances for you to back out, but here it is. THE chapter. And for the OTC states, let's fudge it up and switch Washington for Florida. This makes more sense near the end…**

_**Contains suicide in this chapter-not graphic.**_

**DISCLAIMER: SM owns the awesomeness of Twilight and I own a pug named Banana, because her previous owners were idiots.**

* * *

The burial was uneventful. The casket was lowered to the ground covered in various flowers. I stood at the edge watching as it made its descent. The plaque I picked to be placed had a double header, my name and date of birth already planned on there along with his. But that wouldn't be placed for a few weeks at most.

Everything for my own burial has been planned and paid for. Asking for a few extra thousand wasn't suspicious to Esme and Carlisle, who easily wrote a check. She only needed two grand and the rest she could pay for with her life-savings. They were already paying for his funeral, so asking for two thousand more wasn't questioned and just assumed to be for his arrangements.

They obviously don't know about these arrangements, but I'll tell them somehow.

The casket is in the ground now and people are starting to leave, offering condolences and farewells. I stand at the edge, vaguely responding to anyone speaking to me.

When only the people who drove me here are left, we all walk towards the parking lot. After a short drive, I'm dropped off at home after one meek assurance I'm fine.

I'm obviously not, but they don't care enough to figure that out.

Walking into the cold dark house, I forgo lights and head straight to the bedroom. Grabbing a pen and paper from his bag, I stop for a minute to try to see if his scent lingers. It's faint, but there and I decide to take the bag with me to the bed.

I turn on the lamp beside the bed and uncap the pen, flipping to a clear page.

PROS: I get forever with him.

CONS: ...

I come up blank and try to think of anything to outweigh the first pro, but have nothing.

Okay, decision made.

But how...

Thinking I know I don't want a messy death, just in case someone I care something for finds me. To think, what if my dad came over to see brain matter on the walls. So, no to guns.

Pills seem like a good idea, but what if I just end up like a vegetable, because I manage to fuck up suicide.

Plus, I think all I have is Tylenol.

Can you overdose on Tylenol?

I'll Google it.

Writing down scribbles on the paper, I go in a search for the computer. It's on the desk and I easily find a site about overdose of acetaminophen. Reading over everything, it doesn't look as simple as I thought. No swallowing the pills and getting instant overdose, no, it's said to take days of pain without medical help and eventual death. Uh, no.

What else?

Underneath was a blue link I click on. Codeine.

Scanning the page, this death sounds slightly better. If someone doesn't find me immediately, then I should be fine. Searching where to find it over the counter sent me to a few useless sites, but eventually I found one saying only five states sold it OTC. One of those five, Florida.

It's a sign.

Nodding, I close the laptop after erasing the history and shutting it off. I close my pad, but keep the bag on the bed. I finally take off my clothes and crawl in one of his old tee shirts. It smells like him a little.

I finally cried and slip in and out of sleep throughout the night. A good night of sleep wasn't for me anyway. The next morning, I eat something, but my body rejects it and I'm sent running to the sink since I couldn't make it to the toilet. After washing my mouth, I get dressed for the day and grab my keys and wallet before heading out. Just deciding to go for the closest pharmacy, I head to Walgreens. What I'm looking for isn't there, so I go to CVS. Not there either. Finally, I just go to any random drug store, wondering why I hadn't specified my location search. Deciding to just come back later after Googling it, I start to leave after another failed attempt, but stop on my drive home when I see a lone drug store. Parking in the lot, I head inside and straight for the medicine.

Robitussin A-C.

YES!

I found it and pay for it quickly, walking back to the car.

At home, I clean the house and take everything of importance into mind. I should write a will or something, right?

Sure.

So, with the same lined paper s last night, I start.

_For whom this may concern..._

I gave Esme my kitchen utensils, Emmett got my action movies, whichever ones he wanted. Jasper got our music collection. Carlisle could have my books, though that vampire saga might turn him off. Alice can have all my unused cosmetics and beauty supplies. Rosalie can have my wishes for her to get pregnant. My dad can take the property, which I own. Mom can have all those old scrapbooks I kept. Everything like my clothes and the furniture can be given to charity or whatever. I left it up to them.

Thinking, _what the hell_, I start to write my suicide note on the same sheet, or sheets, considering I'm on the second one.

_Before you judge me, just think of how your life would be if you didn't half your other half? Alice, if you didn't have Jasper? Esme without Carlisle. Rose, minus Em? Unimaginable, yeah? Well, we're Bella and Edward. You can't have one without the other. You all said so yourself in your speeches. Bella and Edward, or Edward and Bella. We're kind of like love bugs when they stick together and I'm the living one, carrying around the dead on. The living one never lasts long. _

_Plus, he promised me forever. He never breaks his promise. I love you all, but I can't live in a world where he doesn't exist. I'm going to die someday; I guess I'm just speeding up the process. _

_P.S. Funeral arrangements are all paid and ready for. So, don't worry. _

_I love you, _

_Bella._

I place the note on the counter and go to my room with the things I've bought. Changing from my day clothes to one of his shirts and sweatpants, I climb into bed. The website said I've just slowly stop breathing or lose consciousness before OD-ing, so I just open the bottle and take a whiff.

I've always hated syrup medicine. It's like they don't even try to make it take good.

But I push that back and tip the bottle towards the roof.

"Only you," I promise.

_"Forever," He finishes in a promise. _

I tip the bottle back and drink.

* * *

**Yeah, that's it. Might write an outtake of the reactions of family or something. I don't know…**

**BYYYEEE! (: **

**-Bianca **


	6. Chapter 6

**So, outtake in third person and you may all hate me for this, but it was in my head while writing the whole story. I feel like a bitch for doing it, but here ya go…**

**DICLAIMER: SM owns Twilight. I own the reason for my lack of sleep, in other words, my loudly snoring dog. Just saying.**

* * *

"That stupid bitch!" Rosalie screams, running out through the front doors, Emmett hot on her heels.

"Rosie, baby, calm down," He pleaded. "They said she probably didn't even know. That is was too early for natural signs to appear. She had no way of knowing," He explains, trying to calm his pissed off wife.

Rosalie ignores her childish husband and continues to pace, muttering expletives under her breath. The rest of the family slowly emerges. Alice and Jasper are hanging onto each other in shock and confusion, a little anger, and some regret. Esme and Carlisle exit next. Esme crying and mumbling indecipherable words while Carlisle tries, unsuccessfully, to soothe her. Rene and Charlie are next to leave. Both of them crying, Rene more than Charlie, but he holds it together to take care of his ex-wife.

Rosalie storms up to them, ignoring the protests of the others and spits on Rene's shoes.

"I hope she burns in Hell," She sneers before she's being yanked away by Emmett, who's trying to explain her actions, but is shocked still. Renee's tears picked up force and Charlie looks frozen and wide-eyed, shocked by Rosalie's comment.

Esme's attempting to scold Rosalie, who's fighting back full force. The family dispute comes to an end when Charlie finally regains his composure. He brings his arms around his hysterical wife and clears his throat.

"ENOUGH!" He shouts, before coughing a little. His throat was thick and he had to swallow a few times before speaking again. "You're family and that is the only reason I'm not taking you in or at least putting you in the back of the car." He says shortly to Rosalie who scoffs bitterly. "Watch it, young lady," He warns. She sneers again and Emmett tugs her back, apologizing to the officer.

"Sorry, Mr. Swan. It's a sore subject…as you know." He adds hesitantly.

Charlie shakes his head. "I do know, but that is no excuse, as you know." Emmett nods, still trying to contain his wife. Charlie continues. "I'm going to the house today to settle some things. She left a 'will' on a piece of lined paper," He snorts, but his amusement quickly fades. He swallows again. "You can come if you would like, but I will deal with none of your crap," He pointedly stares at Rosalie. Many nods are shared as everyone tries to regain their composure. Everyone headed towards their vehicles as Charlie tried to wrap his head around everything the doctors said.

He could pick out certain words from his fog-filled brain, like 'cardiac arrest' caused from cardiac dysrhythym or something.

It was a big word.

He tried to block out the doctor's other news, but it kept replaying in his head.

_Pregnant…_

_Early stages…_

_She didn't even know…_

* * *

**So, Bella's COD would be cardiac arrest, which is a variation of cardiac dysrhythmia, which is that big word Charlie tried to remember earlier. Uh, so this is what happened; she drinks the junk, her breathing shallows, she faints, her heart stops, she dies. The end. Simple enough, yeah? Sure. Not sure if this is exactly how it happens, but for the sake of fiction, just go with it. **

**And…that's all, folks! **

**I guess. **

**Yeah. **

**-Bianca! (: **


End file.
